“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you
right. Forget about those who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.”
Harvey MacKay
Everyday, I fall.
I love you, you know. I fall, everyday. For your eyes, your mind; your smile. The things you still don’t appreciate about yourself. I fall for your intelligence, your wit; your humor. I fall for you when you’re irrational, passionate; moody. When you think I can’t handle you, when you forget how much I can take. When you wonder if I’ll ever leave and when I see your face when I tell you, leaving, among others, isn’t a word in our vocabulary.
I hope that no matter what the world tells you, no matter how BAD your day starts or gets; no matter how long we don’t get to see each other; know you’re my world and there is nothing and no one that can change that. You’re my everything. The sun and the moon, the stars; the sea and the fish. You’re the air, the trees; the inspiration, my motivation. You’re the sense when I don’t have any. The wisdom when I’m lost. You’re the light when everything’s dark. My strength when I falter; my best friend. You’re everything I never knew still existed.
I don’t have a lot of reasons. Well, I don’t even have one. I just know, you’e all I want. So, please; don’t ever leave.
Thirteen After June; the Seventeenth
Honestly, I don’t know why or what’s the “reason” for this post. I’m watching Young Justice and Super Boy and Megann are defeating Psimon in Megann’s head (telepathically and all) and there was this line, “You’re strong and I’m stubborn, together!” And bam! Psimon was defeated.
I’m staring at my wife, sleeping on the other side of the world through the gayest technology that is mostly competent and reliable but, does become a bitch on the important days. Every day is actually important. My fingertips are painful, not sure why though and my line up of cartoons is … hahaha. 4-5. I still want to watch PLL, IKA & BCWMH but I don’t have “time” for them really.
I’m running on 2 hours of sleep. Not anyone’s fault really. I love my wife, so much.
And I love reminding her every single time we fuss that I’m not going anywhere.
I think she knows that already but, she doesn’t really know it, know it. I think that does make sense, somewhere.
I think maybe if by repetition, she’ll absorb it but, it’s too soon to say. We’ve only been married for a few months.
Well, technically speaking, we’re married. But, to others, not officially.
She told me she “thinks” the reason she was scared yesterday was because she feels as if she’s not doing things right.
I think in some alternate universe that also equates to “I’m not good enough.”
I feel like it’s my fault; not trying to be the victim or blame myself but, if she STILL feels like that, I must be doing SOMETHING wrong.
Maybe I’m not reassuring her enough.
The talk of a filter came around. She doesn’t really need it. I doubt she ever had one to begin with.
In the beginning, of course, it’s natural that she’s not so open about things because she doesn’t really trust me; yet.
I’m not 100% confident and I’m certainly not cocky to say that right now, she does.
But, I’m hoping I’m close to that margin. I mean, she and I are different.
I may be verbal about things. Something that I was never really good at before we met. But, she makes it easy.
Like she just opens up these doors without keys and sits on the floor, drawing or doing something; looking up and smiling at those times when I pause to see if she’s listening.
I was never used to being verbal and she wasn’t either but, I think maybe I’ve grown comfortable.
I know that it takes time. That I can’t force her to speak when she doesn’t want to. When she says nothing’s on her mind.
I know that I can and I am confident in my ability to be able to read her facial expressions, the tone of her voice and the way her eyes shift when she’s shy or when she’s trying to hide something. But, still, I feel like I’m not doing something right because she’s still holding something back.
She still believes I’m “dealing” with her like she’s some kind of project or something.
I think she feels what I see when I look at her.
The weight, intensity; the gravitational pull she’s got.
I tell her time and time again, she IS THE most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. And no, my mother doesn’t count (because even if we always fight and even if she’s always putting me down, she’ll always be my first lady)
I tell her that she’s my “goddess”; the very definition of the air I breathe.
There’s a lot more, things I remind her about every day and my mind’s running faster than my fingers so I’m going to move on.
Sometimes, she’s got this far away look and I try really hard to pull her back. I manage to succeed some times but, other times; not so much. So, I lie here and I stare; at the wall or the ceiling and I give her “time” to think about what she wants to say since she’s not the type to be very good with words. I mean, she is; she’s a smoothtalker afterall; but, she’s not good with words when it comes to her feelings. The stoic type. But, she won’t get away with that; not with me because that’s what I’ve told her since we rediscovered what we needed in our relationship; verbalization/vocalization. That’s why we barely “type” anything on Skype unless we have no other choice. I know we’re getting there, day by day.
Then, I just want her to know that I’m not going anywhere. I tell her; all the time but, she doesn’t really believe me. But, like I said; maybe by repetition she’ll understand that I’m here, to stay. That I’m stuck and that she’s all I’ve got. I hope one day my feelings and that voice inside my heart will reach hers and maybe; one day, she’ll be a little more comfortable to just blab things out even if I react negatively and she reacts negatively. Because I can’t stay mad at her for long; I need to see her smile.
That and her eyes, are a constant reminder that this; we are real. Honestly, I don’t know why or what’s the “reason” for this post. I’m watching Young Justice and Super Boy and Megann are defeating Psimon in Megann’s head (telepathically and all) and there was this line, “You’re strong and I’m stubborn, together!” And bam! Psimon was defeated.
I’m staring at my wife, sleeping on the other side of the world through the gayest technology that is mostly competent and reliable but, does become a bitch on the important days. Every day is actually important. My fingertips are painful, not sure why though and my line up of cartoons is … hahaha. 4-5. I still want to watch PLL, IKA & BCWMH but I don’t have “time” for them really.
I’m running on 2 hours of sleep. Not anyone’s fault really. I love my wife, so much.
And I love reminding her every single time we fuss that I’m not going anywhere.
I think she knows that already but, she doesn’t really know it, know it. I think that does make sense, somewhere.
I think maybe if by repetition, she’ll absorb it but, it’s too soon to say. We’ve only been married for a few months.
Well, technically speaking, we’re married. But, to others, not officially.
She told me she “thinks” the reason she was scared yesterday was because she feels as if she’s not doing things right.
I think in some alternate universe that also equates to “I’m not good enough.”
I feel like it’s my fault; not trying to be the victim or blame myself but, if she STILL feels like that, I must be doing SOMETHING wrong.
Maybe I’m not reassuring her enough.
The talk of a filter came around. She doesn’t really need it. I doubt she ever had one to begin with.
In the beginning, of course, it’s natural that she’s not so open about things because she doesn’t really trust me; yet.
I’m not 100% confident and I’m certainly not cocky to say that right now, she does.
But, I’m hoping I’m close to that margin. I mean, she and I are different.
I may be verbal about things. Something that I was never really good at before we met. But, she makes it easy.
Like she just opens up these doors without keys and sits on the floor, drawing or doing something; looking up and smiling at those times when I pause to see if she’s listening.
I was never used to being verbal and she wasn’t either but, I think maybe I’ve grown comfortable.
I know that it takes time. That I can’t force her to speak when she doesn’t want to. When she says nothing’s on her mind.
I know that I can and I am confident in my ability to be able to read her facial expressions, the tone of her voice and the way her eyes shift when she’s shy or when she’s trying to hide something. But, still, I feel like I’m not doing something right because she’s still holding something back.
She still believes I’m “dealing” with her like she’s some kind of project or something.
I think she feels what I see when I look at her.
The weight, intensity; the gravitational pull she’s got.
I tell her time and time again, she IS THE most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. And no, my mother doesn’t count (because even if we always fight and even if she’s always putting me down, she’ll always be my first lady)
I tell her that she’s my “goddess”; the very definition of the air I breathe.
There’s a lot more, things I remind her about every day and my mind’s running faster than my fingers so I’m going to move on.
Sometimes, she’s got this far away look and I try really hard to pull her back. I manage to succeed some times but, other times; not so much. So, I lie here and I stare; at the wall or the ceiling and I give her “time” to think about what she wants to say since she’s not the type to be very good with words. I mean, she is; she’s a smoothtalker afterall; but, she’s not good with words when it comes to her feelings. The stoic type. But, she won’t get away with that; not with me because that’s what I’ve told her since we rediscovered what we needed in our relationship; verbalization/vocalization. That’s why we barely “type” anything on Skype unless we have no other choice. I know we’re getting there, day by day.
Then, I just want her to know that I’m not going anywhere. I tell her; all the time but, she doesn’t really believe me. But, like I said; maybe by repetition she’ll understand that I’m here, to stay. That I’m stuck and that she’s all I’ve got. I hope one day my feelings and that voice inside my heart will reach hers and maybe; one day, she’ll be a little more comfortable to just blab things out even if I react negatively and she reacts negatively. Because I can’t stay mad at her for long; I need to see her smile.
That and her eyes, are a constant reminder that this; we are real.
